The End is the Beginning

I find this time of year rather irritating. Christmas is kind of over but thankfully not the holidays and there are still a few days before the new year. The TV is usually a bit poor: World's Strongest Man, trailers for The Voice, Big Brother etc. Seriously boring and predictable TV ads for: holidays; sales - clothes, kitchens, bedrooms, electrical; holidays; part works; and slimming.

In approx a day i.e. the day before New Years Eve there'll be the usual run of the mill end of year round up programmes. You know like a best of the years news quiz etc.

So in that vein (in spite of my general dislike of this sort of thing) I've attempted to put together a list (alphabetical if I can manage it) summarising my take on 2013 and looking ahead to my aspirations for 2014.
NB. This will therefore be a long post

A - Adventures - We had some fun adventures in 2013 incl our trips to London, Arran & Lindisfarne but I'm still yearning for even more exciting adventures in 2014. I still want to go travelling and see Italy, Israel and India. I'd also love to go and climb another mountain.

B - Babysitting - I have the best family and friends who support us with babysitting our 3 children. It's so reassuring to know that they love our kids and are not fazed by any additional needs.

C - Confidence - I've grown in this area during 2013 and I'm sure I'll keep on during 2014.

D - Down's Syndrome - I still hate it and refuse to accept that it means that my gorgeous girl will be less than other kids. I'd take it away from her in a heartbeat if I could. The last 6 months of 2013 was easier than the  previous year so 2014 will probably be easier still. It's just other peoples attitudes I dislike and have to deal with.

E - Easy - Not much in 2013 has been easy and I'm bracing myself for the challenges of 2014.

F - Focus - In 2013 I did a lot of allsorts of things but in 2014 as well as doing a lot I think I need to focus on some specific issues too.

G - God

H - Health and Happiness - I've been blessed to be both happy and healthy in 2013 but in 2014 I am looking forward to eating healthier and creating a generally healthier lifestyle. More fitness and sleep etc.

I - Interfaith - I so love that Bradford is leading the way in regard to interfaith cooperation. Ref the Bradford Reformed synagogue. I've learned so much during 2013 and hope that there'll be greater strength in this area in 2014.

J - Jesus

K - Koreen & Keith - Two of my dearest friends but I didn't get a chance to meet up with them during 2013 so will be making a concerted effort to meet up during 2014.

L - Love - oh wow so much I could say here. I am so blessed to be married to an amazing man who loves me and who I love. We've had a crazy, rollercoaster of a marriage so far and I love that we get to do life together. I'm so looking forward to a fabulous 2014.

M - Mothers - They really do deserve a category of their own. During 2013, I've been aware of friends and colleagues who've had to deal with their mothers ill health. It's made me even more thankful for my amazing Mamma who has beaten cancer twice and is still going strong. I've been more aware at Christmas of just how amazing mothers are at creating beautiful family Christmases. I love that my Mamma does a fabulous family Christmas lunch for the whole family on the Sunday before Christmas. Also my MIL who cooks to feed the masses and creates a Christmas present "pie" so everyone grabs a string and pulls and ends up with a gift.

N - No - saying No to average means I can say Yes to the best. I'm determined to live by this a bit more during 2014 especially when I regularly have 3 meetings at the same time and need to pick between them.

O - Opportunities - There are always far more opportunities available to us than we often realise. During 2014 I'm seeking to know more clearly which opportunities to grab and which to pass on.

P - Politics - I love it and hate it at the same time but throughout 2013 I've learned so so much but I'm aware that I have even more to do during 2014. I hate that politicians in Westminster make decisions to cut public services without any thought towards how people losing their jobs as a result will feed themselves. I love that all of us can get involved to try and make a difference.

Q - Quid Pro Quo - There's an exchange for everything in life. I hope to give others better than what they give me.

R - Rubbish - During the year of 2013, I got rid of so much stuff, junk and rubbish. I gave loads of stuff away to others and realised that once it's stopped being useful to me, it's then just rubbish, so give it to someone else that it's useful to. NB - this does NOT extend to my extensive book collection.

S - Smiling - I always smile no matter what. There's strength in seeing the positives in any situation and not allowing stuff to get you down.

T - Trust - hmmm It's too easy to Trust people and then get bitten so it's much better to be cautious about who and what to Trust.

U - Underneath - I've been more aware this year that there's more underneath a situation or circumstance than at first there appears to be so during 2014 I'm going to be looking at context.

V -  Validity - Some arguments are not valid or worth pursuing so during 2014 I'm determined to work hard only on the things that are valid and worthwhile.

W - Work - I always work hard and I'm grateful that I was given a strong work ethic by my parents and grandparents but this year I want to not just work hard but also work smarter.

X - I have now realised what a ridiculous idea doing this alphabetically was.

Y - Yes - I need to keep working on when to say Yes and when to say No. Saying Yes can be great but can also lead to all sorts of problems if I say Yes to the wrong things.

Z - Zeitgeist - I've only included this because I love this word.

The Perfect Gift

There is so much in the way of gift giving during this season and so many potential pitfalls. For instance, there are the standard gifts that you want to buy and a list is usually made to include ones partner, children, parents, brothers, sisters etc but then there are all the additional gifts that you could buy if you choose to or if it's the done thing to do.

In my working life I've been part of more Secret Santa gift giving circles than I care to mention. I've also received some amazing gifts from very highly paid superiors which has then resulted in that sense of being a little overwhelmed at their generosity but then also a bit worried about whether the very mediocre gift I've managed to give them then appears paltry in comparison.

For the record, I am a very bad shopper and gift giver. I always try so hard and have great ideas that I'll buy or have made, the most beautiful cards and gifts, so beautifully wrapped but then I always fall short of the hope that I had, to give the perfect gifts. 

I love to receive beautiful gifts and especially surprises. I hate knowing what someone is buying me and find it so odd that someone would even tell me and destroy the excitement of a beautiful surprise. 

My sisters (possibly the people who know me best but then that opens a whole can of worms) are amazing gift givers, they always manage to get the perfect gifts and they keep them as surprises until I have that special thrill of opening fantastic gifts that I get to treasure, knowing how well they know me. 

Having said that, I am relatively easy to buy for. I love lotions and potions, Coco Chanel Mademoiselle perfume, books and classic movies, silver jewellery and red, sparkly things. (Oh and I've recently discovered that my husband has been reading this blog so if he's reading this and he would like to buy me an extra gift - I'd love a new bag darling, big enough to put all my council papers and diaries and notepads and pens etc in - preferably red or black, but brown or cream is okay if it's nice x) 

My husband is great at giving gifts. One year, I said that I didn't need anything except Love so he went and bought a canvas and painted it with the word LOVE on it. It now hangs in our home above a montage of photographs of our family. I love the LOVE.

Anyway, back to the point, finding and giving the perfect gift can be hard work, and there's always a worry that someone may have been missed off the list. 

But this morning at church, I was reminded that there is so much about the Christmas season that is stressful (shopping etc) and that we hear the nativity story so often that we almost become too familiar with it. We make it all pretty and lovely and sanitise it whereas the reality was almost definitely far dirtier and grittier. One of my favourite films of recent years which I feel handles this fairly well is The Nativity Story. The actors at least appear middle eastern in appearance and the journey to Bethlehem is fraught with danger. One scene which I particularly love is where Mary feels her baby kick for the first time. I saw this film when I was pregnant with my first son and was amazed as I'd never really thought of that aspect of the miracle of Jesus birth.

Despite all the stress of the season and the familiarity of the story, the perfect gift of salvation through the birth of Jesus - Emmanuel, God with us, is something so simple and so profound that nothing will ever top it as far as I'm concerned. There is no judgement, no condemnation, no rules and regulations, only pure, unconditional love. I'm so grateful, and I hope that I will live my life as a thank you card for the best gift of all.

Heroes

For those of you who read my post on Gossip as a result of going to see Russell Brand - this is the next instalment in posts inspired by the evening with Russ.

The tour he is doing is called The Messiah Complex and in a nutshell, (although it's a bit hard to distil down the premise of his 2 hour show into a nutshell,) he's basically got heroes in his life and has identified that although some of his heroes are flawed we can still learn a lot from them and be inspired.

He talked about our human need to be inspired by heroes because if you don't have a hero then there are multi-national brands that are seeking to fill that vacuum. There's a whole background to this premise but suffice it to say, it totally makes sense to me.

Russell's heroes are Gandhi, Che Guevara (I love him too and loved my trip to Cuba), Malcolm X and Jesus (I love him as well).

I agree that we need to have heroes in our lives. Heroes that inspire us to greatness and lead us forward in life with a vision for a better future. This may sound airy fairy but I believe that having a hero to look towards is almost as important to the human spirit as is air, food and water to the physical being.

Just imagine a world without any heroes. Without anyone brave, strong, inspirational, flawed but courageous. 

The football clubs know how important heroes are and spend a fortune building their brands around this. You only need to look at how many shirts are sold with football star names on. (Now this is where I come unstuck because the only really famous footballers I know of are Pele, Beckham and Zidane).

Russell left the audience at the end with a question - who are your heroes?

It's a good question. I'd like to ask every school child in the district who their heroes are and see what kind of responses they give.

My most abiding hero is my Oma. 

She was born in 1915, in a place called Saskatchewan which is on the prairies in Canada. Her early life resembled something very much like The Little House on the Prairie series of books by Laura Ingalls Wilder (made into a tv show too).

As a young woman from the wide open spaces of Canada, never having seen the sea, she crossed the Atlantic to arrive in London in the 1930's and then went to live in India as a WEC missionary. I can't even begin to imagine the adventures that she must have had but I know from talking to her that she loved India and to this day I've never tasted cooking as good as hers. She made the most amazing dhal, parathas and pumpkin pie. Check that out for Indian and Canadian cooking, eh. She survived extreme hardship, earthquakes, hunger, and raised 10 amazing children. I loved her with a passion and when I'm feeling low I think about what she would do next. To be honest she'd stay up all night reading like I do too. She'd get up early and work hard and she would still be ready to go and help people and give them her own meal rather than eat herself. She was also a person of incredible faith even in the midst of hardship.

My political hero is Fred W Jowett. 

 

You can check out a little more about him on here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_William_Jowett
He was a Bradford politician who started work in Bradford's mills age 8 and ended up being in the very first Labour Government as a Cabinet minister. 


Other heroes come and go for me. I guess it depends on the time, place and situation. I'm just trying to think of who my modern day living heroes are and to be honest I think it's a case of watch this space. 

Who are your heroes?

Merry Christmas - but will it really be a Merry Chrismas?

Well, yesterday morning was the annual Life Church Big Give where every child aged 0-11 who comes along gets a free (quality) gift. The excitment is almost tangible and there's such a buzz as children enter the building with their families and see all of the massive piles of presents heaped on the stage. The church is filled with Christmas trees and twinkly lights and practically every area of the campus is filled with decorations of some kind. This year the Youth & Community building was decorated to be like a Winter Wonderland in a Narnia style way. In previous years it was decked out like the Polar Express.

The church attracts families from far and wide. There are special shuttle buses picking up families from right across the Bradford District. The place is literally filled so that there are families sat upstairs in the balcony. For some unknown reason I am always late and our family was up on the balcony looking down at the rest of the church. This year was special because Lara, Sophie and Rebecca were able to share it with some of their aunts, uncles and cousins.

The morning started with some upbeat Christmas carols and then something we call a Christmas Kiss. Every year during the Sundays in December, the church does something beautiful to show some kindness to a particular person or family who may have been struggling a little. This Sunday the recipient was an incredibly amazing woman. She's a single mother of 2 young children, who had recently escaped a violent and abusive relationship to protect her children. Instead of being bitter and negative she gives her smiles and kindness to others. She went through the CAP Job Clubs programme and was successful in getting a job to provide for her small family. However, even with a job in these tough economic times she and her family don't have much left over to just have fun together. Having been through so much, the church arranged to put a massive big Christmas tree in her home with heaps of presents under the tree and some great fun activities lined up for them to do as a family during the Christmas holidays.

Then as soon as the person on the stage announces that it's time to give out the presents the place kind of erupts into relatively organised chaos. There are children who receive bicycles and are so excited that Santa brought them a bike they can't wait to have a ride on them. There are children who are not used to being given a lovely big present and then there are some that are just way too giddy at the excitement. The church is filled with young and old alike and everyone seems to be infected with excitement and joy.

In addition to this, throughout December, the church have been involved in helping out with the Allerton Kiz Klub Christmas party, preparing hampers and gifts to take into prisons and putting on a banquet for the homeless and vulnerable. Also on the Saturday, Life Church took a load of hampers to families across the Bradford District and topped up Gas and Electric Prepayment Meters to the value of £100.

I should be happy that I am a part of such an amazing church that does so much to help others, the lonely, vulnerable, hurting as well as the young, old, wealthy and basically anyone. But, I am not. I feel really grumpy and angry because we get so excited about Christmas in this world and build it up to be something fabulous and special but for so many it is not wonderful and special. I'm angry because in this 21st century developed country we still have people who are hungry or cold or just in need of company. For someone who is alone, the Christmas season must be the loneliest time of the year. Why do we get so wrapped up in ourselves and our first world problems and overlook the simple fact that there is a person living a stones throw away that we could help if we only opened our eyes and our hearts?

I saw a young family as I was leaving church and although their little girl seemed like she'd had a lovely time, the parents looked like the weight of the world was on their shoulders. I wanted to do something for them, to help shoulder their burden, whatever it was that was weighing them down but I didn't do anything. I just gave them a kind of friendly smile.

Before, I got married, I used to love helping out at the banquets for the homeless, poor and vulnerable. It was always good fun and there was some good banter.

I heard recently about someone I know who took a turkey down to a homeless shelter last Christmas. This has totally challenged me. I need to do more. There's another person I know who helps out with a group with learning disabilities and accompanies the group to a carol service.

This Sunday, the Cairns family will be having our family Christmas Dinner, then we'll be at a carol service no doubt. On Monday, I'll be at a works Christmas lunch and then at the Civic Carol Service at Bradford Cathedral celebrating Christmas. I'll end up eating far more food than I need to and no doubt there'll be some waste. I'll give and receive presents and I'll enjoy time with my family and especially my children over this season.

But, at the end of this season, how much will I have done to help others? Will the world be a better place for anyone? How can I possibly enjoy myself knowing that there are so many people for whom this will not be a Merry Christmas.

Gossip

I went to see Russell Brand at St Georges Hall, Bradford, on Sunday evening. It was my first night off doing something just for me, that I'd had in ages.

There was so much that he said which is food for thought but one thing he'd said while referring to the media and in particular the Daily Mail was, that when nuance is removed, a story is then paraded to be fact when in fact it's been taken out of context.

This made me think about Gossip, Rumour and Reputation.

Gossip and Rumour by their very nature don't need to be true in order to be devastating to a Reputation.

I hate gossip generally especially if it's based on Rumour rather than fact but there's so much gossip in and around our daily lives that it's hard not to get drawn into it.

If it's possible my response would be to check the source and if necessary go straight to the horses mouth to check the facts. Also, bear in mind that starting and spreading rumours can open up a whole legal can of worms. I wonder how many cases for slander (spoken word) and libel (written word) there are.

An excellent reputation is so hard to earn and yet can be so easily lost.

I'm sure my incredible evening with Russell will be referred to again in several more posts but that's it for now.

Criticism vs Encouragement

So, it's pretty obvious that when you get into politics there's going to be a lot of criticism and not a lot of encouragement.

But it really does make me wonder what is wrong with our world when we so easily leap to criticism before encouragement. We all do it but seriously what is that all about?

I am a naturally positive person and find it difficult to be around people who are negative, cynical and discouraging.

My attitude is generally that you get a better performance from most people if you show even a small level of encouragement. My children always respond better to encouragement and the people I work with respond better. A thank you and a smile never hurts and usually blesses others.

Over the last 6 months especially there have been people telling me how great they feel about Bradford and how good it makes them feel that Bradford is on the up. Many of these people have mentioned that they think it's because the District has a great Leader. This kind of positive encouragement is a pleasure to receive and pass on. 

But when people are critical I wonder what the point is in wasting energy being critical. How does that help or build up? If the energy put into the nasty, ranty type of criticism was channelled into being positive, I feel sure that the District would be doing so much better.

Just some of the amazing events which have taken place across the District, have demonstrated how people attending and participating in the events get such a great feeling and buzz which is worth far more than money. The sense of wellbeing and positivity can make such an incredible difference.

People can moan and whitter on about regeneration and all that jazz as much as they want but the spirit of a place and the sense of dynamism and passion to see improvement comes from the people.

So what can we all do to improve our brilliant District? We can start by being positive about it. Be realistic by all means but don't denigrate it just because you're having a rant. 

There was some great news today from the Ofsted annual report stating that the Districts primary schools have risen from 98th to 54th in the national rankings. This is brilliant news for the children and families of the District and is testament to the seriously hard work that has been put in by a wide range of people and bodies. It's firm evidence of the Districts leadership, commitment and investment in our Children. Let's keep talking up how great our young people are and lets keep encouraging those who work in public services such as education. To be honest there's not a lot of thanks in that profession either. Some thanks and encouragement helps us all to go the extra mile.

For me, although I do feel encouraged by every success I also feel motivated to do far more. I read these questions(below) today and felt a sense of deja vu. They sum up my attitude and I'll keep on revisiting them to keep me in check so that I stay focussed on what's truly important. 

There's still so much to do and we all have a part to play to make our District truly brilliant. Be encouraged. You are doing great!

- What is your biggest success in making Bradford better?
- What are you working on now to make Bradford better?
- What’s something you’re planning to do in the future to make Bradford better?

Power to the people

So, it was my birthday yesterday and I enjoyed my celebrations but at the end of the evening, I heard the news that Nelson Mandela had gone to be at peace.

Since then I have cast my mind back to when Mandela was released from prison, which seems like an age ago to me. He was released on a Sunday which I remember because I was living in London then and working in the Shaftesbury Theatre and Sundays were my days off. Watching the TV news, the sight of Mandela being freed was amazing, because for what had seemed like forever there was activity, campaigns, concerts, petitions, sanctions, boycotts, badges and posters of all sorts to fight for his release.

I had just turned 20 (I think) and my life has changed so much since then. Maybe the world has changed too. People just don't seem to get behind major campaigns like this in the same way and at the same level anymore.

I learned something incredibly important that day:
That if enough people get behind a cause, enough churches get people praying, enough people with influence in politics, in music, film, business etc., use their platform to speak out, then change will happen. He was incarcerated for 27 years but I really believe that it was this combination of factors that led to F W de Klerk ordering Mandela's release back in February 1990.

I wish more people could be fully aware of the power they have. There is so much that together we could all achieve because it is "by the strength of our common endeavour we achieve more than we achieve alone, so as to create for each of us the means to realise our true potential and for all of us a community in which power, wealth and opportunity are in the hands of the many, not the few, where the rights we enjoy reflect the duties we owe, and where we live together, freely, in a spirit of solidarity, tolerance and respect."

We could fight to have our NHS protected and restored, to ensure that everyone has access to primary healthcare free at the point of use and doesn't have to jump through hoops just to get an appointment with a GP or get to see an NHS dentist. (This is a sore point with me at the moment.)

We could even end poverty, hunger, racism, homophobia, all discrimination, human trafficking, inequalities, (insert your own passion in here, what would you like to change? what will be your lasting legacy?  .....................).

The following is a quote which is often attributed to Mandela but was written by Marianne Williamson.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 So come on, get involved, speak up, do something and do not accept that the status quo is the way it has to be.

Leadership

I'm feeling a bit ranty at the moment and could potentially have written this piece several times in my life but especially over the last few years.

I'm just getting really fed up with being let down by Leaders.

There are so many examples of people who have been in various positions of leadership in our world and in society that end up falling from grace (or into a need for grace) that it makes me wonder what the heck we can put our trust in any more.

There are parents/carers letting down and seriously failing their children – Baby Peter Connolly, Hamza Khan, the Philpott children and too many to mention, all failed by their parents. Is there anything worse than being neglected, abused and killed by your parents?

Then there’s the Church – riddled with accusations of  corruption and abuse.

Politicians – the expenses scandal etc

Business leaders who misuse their positions and those who avoid paying tax and commit fraud.

BUT

Having said all that, I still have hope. Hope, that there are those incredible wonderful people, who continually give of themselves to serve and help others without any thanks or gratitude.

There are incredible people who parent children with such deep love and compassion, giving them safe homes and strong supportive relationships. Both biological parents and non-biological (foster, adoptive) parents.

There are church leaders and members who will work until they drop to help others and make a difference in their communities, opening their homes and their lives. They give their money, their food and their time.

There are some amazing human beings that I have met who also happen to be politicians – they are criticised almost constantly, they work harder than they are ever given credit for, they almost never receive a word of thanks and yet they still carry on advocating on behalf of others, helping people and serving their communities.

There are incredible business leaders who focus on building a business to turn a profit but who do it with incredible integrity and who employ and mentor others and get involved in their local communities too.

I'm now feeling less ranty. Yes there are people who horrifically let us down but there’s got to be hope that the good will always overcome the bad.