Probation Period

Today I was told by my boss - Jim, that I had passed my 3 month probation period. That is such a relief as with this credit crunch, jobs that pay decent money are hard to come by. I'm only on a 12 month fixed term contract though but I'm hoping if I work hard that maybe they may extend my contract.

My Gorgeous Husband has been working all this week too so that means more money will be in the bank. Now it's just a case of deciding which bills to try and pay first between the council tax, the BT bill and gas and electric - oh and the car finance.

So while we have been working my Darling Baby has been looked after by her paternal Grandmother for two days and then the rest of the week in Daycare. I miss her so much and hate that she has to be looked after by others while I work. I always wanted to only work part-time when I had children or ideally be a full-time Mother if money allowed. It makes me so envious of other women who have got enough money to be able to do that.

I would really love to have more children too but I just don't know how we'll be able to afford that and time is running out for me as I'm 40 on December 5th. I always expected that by this stage in my life I would be considerably wealthy but the opposite is true and I'm scrabbling around for money to pay pressing bills and have little if anything left for even the essentials such as a new pair of shoes. I wasn't even able to buy my Darling Baby her first pair of shoes until she was 14 months old!

It's hard not to feel as if I've stuffed up my life but I'm sure that I will survive. There are loads of years left in me still and in my 3 month review my manager told me that I'll get a pay rise in 3 months time so I'll be earning a little more and hopefully I'll progress in my job.

I was previously training to be a solicitor and started a training contract (the training contract used to be referred to as articles) in 2005 shortly after my wedding. However, I then discovered I was pregnant and following my first baby's birth I took the decision to resign. I now know that this was the wrong decision but we do strange and silly things in times of grief. Since then, however, my focus has been on my children - firstly my son who was stillborn, followed by my niece who I fostered for 18 months and who I completely gave my heart to, then my Darling Baby.

In an ideal world it would be great to finish my training as a solicitor but then it would also be great if I could have more children and have a flexible career that allows me to put parenting first.

hmmm decisions decisions