So, it's Sunday and because it's back to school tomorrow following the end of the October half term holiday, it means there'll be lots of organising to do.
- Three book bags to find and ensure that they contain the correct reading books, homework and letters to hand back in.
- Three sets of PE kits to gather together.
- Three uniforms to sort out.
- But saddest of all, three beautiful, precious, gifts from God that I will have to make do their homework, make them wake up and make them get to school on time.
It's not something I look forward to at all which is weird because I loved school. I loved and still love learning. But, I know that school is not the best place for any of my girls. The eldest gets bored because (in my opinion) she's not being challenged or stretched enough in English which she excels at and in Maths which she hates, she's struggling to keep up because she's not getting the help she needs to understand concepts which don't make sense to her.
The middle daughter is amazing and very motivated but feels devastated when she realises that it's a school day and that she's not going to be with me.
The youngest has only been in full time school for one half term so far, so it's still early days but I don't feel like she's learning anything yet. I was also a bit irritated that she brought home another child's work. The other child also has Down Syndrome but is 2 years above her in school so what the heck?
They've not really engaged with the Down Syndrome Support Service to help ensure that they're meeting her needs despite getting additional Govt funding for her. I also feel (in my opinion) that they don't have high expectations of her and what she can achieve because you know, she's a learner with additional needs.
Maybe I'm being too hard but if I'm praying hard for the honour and privilege of having children then I also have high expectations that they will soar in life and have beautiful days enjoying the life they've been blessed with.
I watched an interesting programme this past week rather irritatingly called Feral Families and it showed a brief spotlight into 3 families who had made the choice to homeschool.
It's not something I would really consider due to the financial considerations and because I love my job but it's made me think about it.
I mean, why do we send our children to school? I want each of my daughters to absolutely excel and achieve their best but why? What does it really matter so long as they fulfill their purpose in life and are safe, happy, and provided for / able to provide for themselves? Is this country's education system even fit for purpose? If my daughters want to be professionals e.g. doctors or teachers could they still achieve that without going to school? Could they do far better?
So many children, bursting with potential, are being ground down by a one size fits all system and all children are absolutely uniquely made.
I'm definitely NOT having a downer on teachers. I love great teachers but it's just that they are facing such massive challenges when teaching 30 individuals. How can they possibly personalise learning for each child and ensure that each one really 'gets it' and knows how to extend and deepen their learning?
Lots of things to ponder.
But whatever the answers to my questions I still have to try and make the best of the next 6 weeks of routine until we get to the Christmas holidays.
MrsGulp
Sunday 29 October 2017
Saturday 9 September 2017
Rebecca - the first 5 years
So it's here - Rebecca's 5th birthday.
Five years ago today, on a Sunday afternoon, due to a combination of circumstances, I was in a delivery room with 2 midwives when Rebecca gently slipped into the world.
She didn't cry and she seemed rather floppy but she was alive!
The midwives told me that they'd need to get a paediatrician to just check her over and that was it. I was in the High Dependency unit because during this pregnancy I'd had gestational diabetes so I assumed it was due to this.
A few moments later my beautiful mother arrived and she was thrilled to meet her new baby granddaughter.
The midwives dressed Rebecca in the outfit I'd brought for her and passed her to me to feed but she was so floppy she wouldn't feed. They'd also given her a little hat as she wasn't keeping her temperature. The midwives then changed shift and my Mum had to go home so I was left alone with Rebecca. It was a beautiful moment of peace as I gazed at her and thanked God for her life.
Then a rather officious midwife came in and took Rebecca from me and put her in a plastic cot. The kind they used to have at the hospital.
I should mention as well that at this stage Rebecca was actually nameless as it was James turn to name our child but he was away so we just gave her an interim nickname until he knew what to call her.
The midwife took myself and Rebecca up to the ward and I was thinking oh finally I'll get a cup of tea and something to eat but no, the midwives just moved my bed into a 4 bed ward and put Rebecca's plastic cot next to me and that was it.
I remember that in the ward although the curtains were closed around each bay there were other women as they were chatting on their phones for what seemed like all night.
I must have been tired though because I fell asleep but was woken some time later by a midwife who said she needed to take Rebecca for some tests. I again assumed it was in connection with the gestational diabetes and drifted back off to sleep. I must have been more exhausted than I thought.
Around about 01:00 on the Monday morning I was awoken again, this time by a paediatrician who asked me if I thought Rebecca looked like my other children. I was really surprised by the question and didn't understand but I said that I wasn't sure as she was a newborn and to be honest newborns always look a bit kind of squished for the first few hours.
This paediatrician who never actually told me her name then proceeded to change my world forever with her next sentence. She said, we think she's got "mongoloid features" indicating down syndrome so we need to do some further blood tests.
She left me and I burst into tears. It was the most alone and frightening moment. I remember out loud, crying out to God asking for Him, actually begging Him to heal her and not let this be so. It hurt so much. The pain felt physical as well as emotional.
Then a rather nice midwife came back and said that if I wanted to she could move me into a private room on the ward so I could grieve privately. I was really grateful for this and she also contacted my bereavement midwife - Julie Key.
Julie has been at the birth of each of my first 3 babies and helped me in so many ways throughout my pregnancies following Joshua's stillbirth in 2006. I've never been able to fully thank her properly for her help and support but I truly thank God for her.
Anyway, the Consultant came up and discussed Rebecca's clinical diagnosis saying that while they have sent off for tests to confirm their diagnosis they were certain that my perfect, precious, living baby girl did have Down Syndrome. Again I cried and felt so lost and alone. This news totally rocked my world.
But this lovely man - Dr Anil Pillai - reminded me that she is precious because she is a part of me, a part of my soul. So true.
So Rebecca's entry into the world was pretty hard to deal with and the first few weeks in the hospital were challenging to say the least. I was able to talk to James on the phone and tell him what had happened. He responded with such solid faith that God would help us and then he named her Rebecca Abigail. Rebecca means 'captivating, knotted cord' and Abigail means 'her fathers joy'.
So life went on, interrupted by constant hospital visits, numerous fights for life, feeding problems, breathing problems, chest problems but thankfully no heart problems.
We've had to endure a lot and this all affected our beautiful middle daughter Sophie, who was only 20 months old herself when Rebecca was born.
But and this is a big BUT. I wouldn't have experienced God in the way I have if things had been different. I love each one of my children with a fierce and passionate love that's indescribable.
Things were tough to begin with but the absolute joy I have now is worth more than gold or diamonds.
Rebecca started school this week and has come on in leaps and bounds. I saw her just the other day helping another child to put on his coat at home time. She doesn't know she has a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. She is just a kid like any other. She has incredible abilities and overcomes her limitations. She's so funny and very empathic and considerate to others she sees who may be sad. She's learned and is continuing to learn so much but so have I.
I've learned that God is always in control and there is no need to fear. He's got me. God is good and He helps me to parent each one of our incredible 3 living children.
I am blessed.
So happy 5th birthday Rebecca, thank you for so much joy.
Five years ago today, on a Sunday afternoon, due to a combination of circumstances, I was in a delivery room with 2 midwives when Rebecca gently slipped into the world.
She didn't cry and she seemed rather floppy but she was alive!
The midwives told me that they'd need to get a paediatrician to just check her over and that was it. I was in the High Dependency unit because during this pregnancy I'd had gestational diabetes so I assumed it was due to this.
A few moments later my beautiful mother arrived and she was thrilled to meet her new baby granddaughter.
The midwives dressed Rebecca in the outfit I'd brought for her and passed her to me to feed but she was so floppy she wouldn't feed. They'd also given her a little hat as she wasn't keeping her temperature. The midwives then changed shift and my Mum had to go home so I was left alone with Rebecca. It was a beautiful moment of peace as I gazed at her and thanked God for her life.
Then a rather officious midwife came in and took Rebecca from me and put her in a plastic cot. The kind they used to have at the hospital.
I should mention as well that at this stage Rebecca was actually nameless as it was James turn to name our child but he was away so we just gave her an interim nickname until he knew what to call her.
The midwife took myself and Rebecca up to the ward and I was thinking oh finally I'll get a cup of tea and something to eat but no, the midwives just moved my bed into a 4 bed ward and put Rebecca's plastic cot next to me and that was it.
I remember that in the ward although the curtains were closed around each bay there were other women as they were chatting on their phones for what seemed like all night.
I must have been tired though because I fell asleep but was woken some time later by a midwife who said she needed to take Rebecca for some tests. I again assumed it was in connection with the gestational diabetes and drifted back off to sleep. I must have been more exhausted than I thought.
Around about 01:00 on the Monday morning I was awoken again, this time by a paediatrician who asked me if I thought Rebecca looked like my other children. I was really surprised by the question and didn't understand but I said that I wasn't sure as she was a newborn and to be honest newborns always look a bit kind of squished for the first few hours.
This paediatrician who never actually told me her name then proceeded to change my world forever with her next sentence. She said, we think she's got "mongoloid features" indicating down syndrome so we need to do some further blood tests.
She left me and I burst into tears. It was the most alone and frightening moment. I remember out loud, crying out to God asking for Him, actually begging Him to heal her and not let this be so. It hurt so much. The pain felt physical as well as emotional.
Then a rather nice midwife came back and said that if I wanted to she could move me into a private room on the ward so I could grieve privately. I was really grateful for this and she also contacted my bereavement midwife - Julie Key.
Julie has been at the birth of each of my first 3 babies and helped me in so many ways throughout my pregnancies following Joshua's stillbirth in 2006. I've never been able to fully thank her properly for her help and support but I truly thank God for her.
Anyway, the Consultant came up and discussed Rebecca's clinical diagnosis saying that while they have sent off for tests to confirm their diagnosis they were certain that my perfect, precious, living baby girl did have Down Syndrome. Again I cried and felt so lost and alone. This news totally rocked my world.
But this lovely man - Dr Anil Pillai - reminded me that she is precious because she is a part of me, a part of my soul. So true.
So Rebecca's entry into the world was pretty hard to deal with and the first few weeks in the hospital were challenging to say the least. I was able to talk to James on the phone and tell him what had happened. He responded with such solid faith that God would help us and then he named her Rebecca Abigail. Rebecca means 'captivating, knotted cord' and Abigail means 'her fathers joy'.
So life went on, interrupted by constant hospital visits, numerous fights for life, feeding problems, breathing problems, chest problems but thankfully no heart problems.
We've had to endure a lot and this all affected our beautiful middle daughter Sophie, who was only 20 months old herself when Rebecca was born.
But and this is a big BUT. I wouldn't have experienced God in the way I have if things had been different. I love each one of my children with a fierce and passionate love that's indescribable.
Things were tough to begin with but the absolute joy I have now is worth more than gold or diamonds.
Rebecca started school this week and has come on in leaps and bounds. I saw her just the other day helping another child to put on his coat at home time. She doesn't know she has a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. She is just a kid like any other. She has incredible abilities and overcomes her limitations. She's so funny and very empathic and considerate to others she sees who may be sad. She's learned and is continuing to learn so much but so have I.
I've learned that God is always in control and there is no need to fear. He's got me. God is good and He helps me to parent each one of our incredible 3 living children.
I am blessed.
So happy 5th birthday Rebecca, thank you for so much joy.
Thursday 10 August 2017
The Power of Music - The theme songs of my life
It never ceases to amaze me how powerful music is.
It may be the words - words are powerful, or it may be the melody, the kind that stays with you and which you keep humming all day long.
What I love though is when the words, the melody, the beat just kind of get you so much that it stirs your soul and your spirit. However, sometimes hearing the first few bars of a song can either put you in a happy place or take you to a memory which is so sad.
Sometimes it feels like every season of my life has it's own theme song. Putting on a playlist or mix-CD (from back in the day) is like opening a memory box and looking at the objects and thinking back to why they make you feel or remembering things that happened.
Some of the special theme songs in my life are special because of the season I was in at the time and the memories that are connected to them.
When I first became a Christian, I totally didn't "get" Christian music but there was and still is one song that touched my heart so deeply which perfectly summed up the season I started then and that song is MORE OF YOU To me this song has just never got old and listening to it still makes my heart soar. I still thirst for God, I still want more of God, I still love God, really love God and only in Him am I complete.
When I got married, I had this song played in the church before I walked in to John Denver's ANNIE's SONG. As long as I live Annie's song will always remind me of one of the happiest days of my life but it also reminds me of my precious Oma because I remember hearing her listen to a John Denver Greatest Hits album when I was small. So many happy, beautiful memories.
But then 9 months after the wedding, my first child was born. He was a beautiful little boy but he wasn't to be on this earth and he went straight to his Maker. As part of my healing process, I listened to a lot of my favourite songs from throughout my pregnancy and journalled and just tried to get a handle on the grief that threatened to overwhelm me.
I listened to some of the worship songs that I'd sung during the pregnancy and some which had a special resonance in the horrific aftermath. I made a mix CD of them which I called Songs for Baby Gulp. The CD included, amongst others:
- My Heart Is Yours by Grant Pankratz
- Held by Natalie Grant
- Safe Within Your Arms by Lara Martin and Mark Stevens
- Home by Michael Buble
Every time I hear Home, I still feel such a sense of missing my little baby and imagining what kind of young man he would be now had he lived. It's not often I listen to the CD but when I do, the pain bubbles just below the surface but also the healing too.
Each one of my 3 children has their own special song which we sing over them, changing some of the lyrics to include their names.
So Lara's song is Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You by John Barrowman, Sophie's song is You Baby by the Mama's and the Papa's and Rebecca's is Hall of Fame by Will.i.am and The Script
My children adore music and have made their own favourite playlists including songs like Happy by Pharrell and several other movie soundtracks.
They're also really in to The Rend Collective.
One thing I've noticed about each one of my children is that they just love happy music.Music that you listen to which makes you smile and want to sing along and dance. It's so much fun singing along with the children.
The current season I'm in is one of utter joy. I'd say that the theme song of the first 6 months of 2017 was definitely BURNING ONES by Jesus Culture and the theme song for the current season is SET ME ABLAZE by Jesus Culture and I'm praying as the lyrics say that I'll keep burning with an endless passion.
It may be the words - words are powerful, or it may be the melody, the kind that stays with you and which you keep humming all day long.
What I love though is when the words, the melody, the beat just kind of get you so much that it stirs your soul and your spirit. However, sometimes hearing the first few bars of a song can either put you in a happy place or take you to a memory which is so sad.
Sometimes it feels like every season of my life has it's own theme song. Putting on a playlist or mix-CD (from back in the day) is like opening a memory box and looking at the objects and thinking back to why they make you feel or remembering things that happened.
Some of the special theme songs in my life are special because of the season I was in at the time and the memories that are connected to them.
When I first became a Christian, I totally didn't "get" Christian music but there was and still is one song that touched my heart so deeply which perfectly summed up the season I started then and that song is MORE OF YOU To me this song has just never got old and listening to it still makes my heart soar. I still thirst for God, I still want more of God, I still love God, really love God and only in Him am I complete.
When I got married, I had this song played in the church before I walked in to John Denver's ANNIE's SONG. As long as I live Annie's song will always remind me of one of the happiest days of my life but it also reminds me of my precious Oma because I remember hearing her listen to a John Denver Greatest Hits album when I was small. So many happy, beautiful memories.
But then 9 months after the wedding, my first child was born. He was a beautiful little boy but he wasn't to be on this earth and he went straight to his Maker. As part of my healing process, I listened to a lot of my favourite songs from throughout my pregnancy and journalled and just tried to get a handle on the grief that threatened to overwhelm me.
I listened to some of the worship songs that I'd sung during the pregnancy and some which had a special resonance in the horrific aftermath. I made a mix CD of them which I called Songs for Baby Gulp. The CD included, amongst others:
- My Heart Is Yours by Grant Pankratz
- Held by Natalie Grant
- Safe Within Your Arms by Lara Martin and Mark Stevens
- Home by Michael Buble
Every time I hear Home, I still feel such a sense of missing my little baby and imagining what kind of young man he would be now had he lived. It's not often I listen to the CD but when I do, the pain bubbles just below the surface but also the healing too.
Each one of my 3 children has their own special song which we sing over them, changing some of the lyrics to include their names.
So Lara's song is Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You by John Barrowman, Sophie's song is You Baby by the Mama's and the Papa's and Rebecca's is Hall of Fame by Will.i.am and The Script
My children adore music and have made their own favourite playlists including songs like Happy by Pharrell and several other movie soundtracks.
They're also really in to The Rend Collective.
One thing I've noticed about each one of my children is that they just love happy music.Music that you listen to which makes you smile and want to sing along and dance. It's so much fun singing along with the children.
The current season I'm in is one of utter joy. I'd say that the theme song of the first 6 months of 2017 was definitely BURNING ONES by Jesus Culture and the theme song for the current season is SET ME ABLAZE by Jesus Culture and I'm praying as the lyrics say that I'll keep burning with an endless passion.
Friday 4 August 2017
When My Time Is Done
So, I've just been sat in a meeting and something that someone said in that meeting made me think about when my time is done here on this earth, what kind of legacy do I want to leave behind.
That's the kind of question that requires a fair bit of thinking about but my initial gut reaction is as follows:
Do I want to build a great company that employs many people and builds something for generations to make their livelihoods from, like Sir Titus Salt?
Do I want to be an educational innovator like Margaret McMillan who was passionate about children's health and education?
Do I want to be a great leader who comes up with solutions to the problems facing our world; people like Bill Gates leading the Bill & Mellissa Gates Foundation seeking to address the causes of a range of issues and eradicating polio and malaria?
Do I want to lead a charity that relieves people of the burden of debt and introduces them to their Saviour like Matt Barlow, CEO of Christians Against Poverty?
Do I want to lead the country, navigating it through a difficult time to a place of economic prosperity where all people feel the benefits?
(I'm not going to name a person for this one because it would colour the perspective depending on the political party and opinions about whoever I named.)
Do I want to be a well known worldwide evangelist like Smith Wigglesworth or a superb faith healer inspiring a movement such as the Healing Rooms like John G Lake ?
You may not know who some of these people are and for that matter you may not even care but I think if I distill everything down all I really want to do is:
leave the world in a healthier place;
raise children who have lofty ideals and have massive vision for this world and their place in it;
work as hard as I can to get everything out of me while I am alive so that I don't die with untapped potential;
to share as much as I can with others so that individuals are able to work hard and provide for their families for generations to come.
I don't need to be recognised or remembered, no monuments built or earthly honours or anything like that but I do want to leave the world in a far better place than it currently is, so that I know people are going to live happier, healthier lives and know their true identities and be confident to achieve all that they can.
Just like Bill Gates who wants to eradicate polio and malaria and address poverty, I want to see the eradication of lack. I want to see an end to economic and spiritual poverty. I want to see an end to disease and an increase in better health outcomes and a closing of the gap between rich and poor. I want young and old, and different races and cultures to work well and live well together in harmony. I want to see an end to bitterness and disappoint and pain and loss. I want to see the acceptance that everyone is unique and therefore everyone is accepted and respected. I want to see health and wholeness.
I want a lot and forgive my idealism but like Bill Gates if you focus on some ideals you may just achieve them!
I don't need to be like anyone else in particular but I do need to be myself and live out my reason for being, to the very best of my God given ability, knowing that I lived a life well so that if anyone knows me they can be inspired to live their lives well also and know that it's their turn, when my time is done.
That's the kind of question that requires a fair bit of thinking about but my initial gut reaction is as follows:
Do I want to build a great company that employs many people and builds something for generations to make their livelihoods from, like Sir Titus Salt?
Do I want to be an educational innovator like Margaret McMillan who was passionate about children's health and education?
Do I want to be a great leader who comes up with solutions to the problems facing our world; people like Bill Gates leading the Bill & Mellissa Gates Foundation seeking to address the causes of a range of issues and eradicating polio and malaria?
Do I want to lead a charity that relieves people of the burden of debt and introduces them to their Saviour like Matt Barlow, CEO of Christians Against Poverty?
Do I want to lead the country, navigating it through a difficult time to a place of economic prosperity where all people feel the benefits?
(I'm not going to name a person for this one because it would colour the perspective depending on the political party and opinions about whoever I named.)
Do I want to be a well known worldwide evangelist like Smith Wigglesworth or a superb faith healer inspiring a movement such as the Healing Rooms like John G Lake ?
You may not know who some of these people are and for that matter you may not even care but I think if I distill everything down all I really want to do is:
leave the world in a healthier place;
raise children who have lofty ideals and have massive vision for this world and their place in it;
work as hard as I can to get everything out of me while I am alive so that I don't die with untapped potential;
to share as much as I can with others so that individuals are able to work hard and provide for their families for generations to come.
I don't need to be recognised or remembered, no monuments built or earthly honours or anything like that but I do want to leave the world in a far better place than it currently is, so that I know people are going to live happier, healthier lives and know their true identities and be confident to achieve all that they can.
Just like Bill Gates who wants to eradicate polio and malaria and address poverty, I want to see the eradication of lack. I want to see an end to economic and spiritual poverty. I want to see an end to disease and an increase in better health outcomes and a closing of the gap between rich and poor. I want young and old, and different races and cultures to work well and live well together in harmony. I want to see an end to bitterness and disappoint and pain and loss. I want to see the acceptance that everyone is unique and therefore everyone is accepted and respected. I want to see health and wholeness.
I want a lot and forgive my idealism but like Bill Gates if you focus on some ideals you may just achieve them!
I don't need to be like anyone else in particular but I do need to be myself and live out my reason for being, to the very best of my God given ability, knowing that I lived a life well so that if anyone knows me they can be inspired to live their lives well also and know that it's their turn, when my time is done.
Saturday 6 May 2017
Transition
Wow, just realised that I haven't posted anything on here in quite a while.
I've been going through a period of transition. At first, it seemed like it was quite painful until while praying about it, I realised that transitions are actually natural and often painless with an appearance of being effortless.
For instance, we can witness a child learning to walk and after the first few tentative steps and stumbles they're off without a backward glance.
The seasons transition with apparent effortlessness, spring comes upon us so quickly and we often don't realise it's here until we start to see the visible signs of new leaves, plants and flowers beginning to show through. But, they were growing way before we noticed. Unseen but growing. Transitioning.
So hoping that my transition will appear to be effortless but result in great growth and beautiful fruit.
I've been going through a period of transition. At first, it seemed like it was quite painful until while praying about it, I realised that transitions are actually natural and often painless with an appearance of being effortless.
For instance, we can witness a child learning to walk and after the first few tentative steps and stumbles they're off without a backward glance.
The seasons transition with apparent effortlessness, spring comes upon us so quickly and we often don't realise it's here until we start to see the visible signs of new leaves, plants and flowers beginning to show through. But, they were growing way before we noticed. Unseen but growing. Transitioning.
So hoping that my transition will appear to be effortless but result in great growth and beautiful fruit.
Saturday 1 October 2016
I, Daniel Blake
I've just got back from seeing a screening of I, Daniel Blake and to be honest it wrecked me. You see as a debt caseworker, I speak to far too many people who are at their wits end, having been ground down by the 'system'.
If someone is too ill to work they are supposed to be helped by claiming Employment & Support Allowance (ESA) but if they are of working age and fit to work then they are supposed to receive help by claiming Job Seekers Allowance (JSA) until they are able to find a job.
However, there is a shocking number of people that I speak to who fall in between and are considered by the Department for Work & Pensions (DWP) to be fit for work, so are turned down for ESA but they are not fit enough to work so aren't able to claim JSA.
In the film, Daniel Blake is one of these people. He's suffered a major heart attack prior to the opening of the film and his doctors and consultants have advised him not to work until he has recovered. He is turned down for ESA because a decision maker has decided that he's not ill enough based on a certain set of questions and not on his actual circumstances or health reports from his doctor.
Daniel is a highly skilled carpenter but not computer literate so struggles to navigate the whole benefits system from start to finish as all applications have to be done online. Apparently the DWP is digital by default which means if you are not computer literate or don't have access to a computer you will fall foul of the 'system'.
Daniel meets a young single mother trying to get by but as she's from London and has been moved to the North East for housing, she doesn't know her way around and is a few minutes late for her signing on appointment. The benefits adviser is completely intransigent and appears to just follow rules and regulations rather than have an ounce of compassion or understanding in order to be able to exercise any discretion .
Sadly, none of what is described in the film is a surprise and therein lies my problem with it. The film is superb and I'm so glad that Ken Loach and his team have shone a light onto what is a reality for the films characters but sadly it's an all too common situation for many people across our country. Most films can be easily dismissed as just works of fiction but this is just too close to reality but of course that's something that marks out a Ken Loach film.
It utterly disgusts me that our country appears to have no sense of humanity, that there are people being ground down and utterly demoralised by the system, the lack of decent, affordable housing, the dismantling of communities and the lack of good, well paying jobs. It disgusts me that there are people unable to afford to feed themselves or pay for basic necessities.
It reminded me so much of my childhood being brought up by a single parent mother who struggled desperately to keep a roof over our heads and to feed and clothe us. She was lucky enough to be able to get a job and she worked full time for most of my childhood. The gaps in between work were relatively few and far between but it also meant that I had to look after myself for much of the time with a key on a string around my neck when I was very young and also a house where we had no floor coverings at all, just a concrete floor and only a square of blanket to sit on. Eventually, my mother was able to furnish that flat but it was tough at the beginning.
Thankfully, our lives are far better now and I was able to leave the cinema after watching I, Daniel Blake, and get into my car and drive home to my family for lunch. We have food in our cupboards and don't have to worry about paying our mortgage and electricity etc but it could so easily be very different. I almost felt guilty about having enough, when so many people have so little. If anything I am more determined than ever to make a difference and do all that I can in whichever sphere I can to help others and to show some human compassion to everyone I speak to.
In fact, between Oct 3 - 23rd many of my colleagues and Christians Against Poverty (CAP) supporters will be doing #20for20 which is 20 days of highlighting the work of CAP and to raise funds for CAP which this year has been going for 20 years. Sadly, our work is still more desperately needed than ever. If you want to help in any way with any kind of financial gift no matter how small then please visit https://www.capuk.org/get-involved/donate?source=michelleswallow
(During the next 20 days I will be giving up watching TV or catch up as many of our clients can't afford electricity or TV licences and I will be donating the equivalent of the daily TV licence fee to CAP. As I didn't think this was enough I will also give up using my car for 20 days and try to walk everywhere if possible and donate the equivalent amount of money that I would have spent on fuel to CAP. Some of my colleagues will be living on only £1 per day.)
Finally, please go and see the film I, Daniel Blake and let it move you to action of some kind to make a difference for our fellow human beings.
If someone is too ill to work they are supposed to be helped by claiming Employment & Support Allowance (ESA) but if they are of working age and fit to work then they are supposed to receive help by claiming Job Seekers Allowance (JSA) until they are able to find a job.
However, there is a shocking number of people that I speak to who fall in between and are considered by the Department for Work & Pensions (DWP) to be fit for work, so are turned down for ESA but they are not fit enough to work so aren't able to claim JSA.
In the film, Daniel Blake is one of these people. He's suffered a major heart attack prior to the opening of the film and his doctors and consultants have advised him not to work until he has recovered. He is turned down for ESA because a decision maker has decided that he's not ill enough based on a certain set of questions and not on his actual circumstances or health reports from his doctor.
Daniel is a highly skilled carpenter but not computer literate so struggles to navigate the whole benefits system from start to finish as all applications have to be done online. Apparently the DWP is digital by default which means if you are not computer literate or don't have access to a computer you will fall foul of the 'system'.
Daniel meets a young single mother trying to get by but as she's from London and has been moved to the North East for housing, she doesn't know her way around and is a few minutes late for her signing on appointment. The benefits adviser is completely intransigent and appears to just follow rules and regulations rather than have an ounce of compassion or understanding in order to be able to exercise any discretion .
Sadly, none of what is described in the film is a surprise and therein lies my problem with it. The film is superb and I'm so glad that Ken Loach and his team have shone a light onto what is a reality for the films characters but sadly it's an all too common situation for many people across our country. Most films can be easily dismissed as just works of fiction but this is just too close to reality but of course that's something that marks out a Ken Loach film.
It utterly disgusts me that our country appears to have no sense of humanity, that there are people being ground down and utterly demoralised by the system, the lack of decent, affordable housing, the dismantling of communities and the lack of good, well paying jobs. It disgusts me that there are people unable to afford to feed themselves or pay for basic necessities.
It reminded me so much of my childhood being brought up by a single parent mother who struggled desperately to keep a roof over our heads and to feed and clothe us. She was lucky enough to be able to get a job and she worked full time for most of my childhood. The gaps in between work were relatively few and far between but it also meant that I had to look after myself for much of the time with a key on a string around my neck when I was very young and also a house where we had no floor coverings at all, just a concrete floor and only a square of blanket to sit on. Eventually, my mother was able to furnish that flat but it was tough at the beginning.
Thankfully, our lives are far better now and I was able to leave the cinema after watching I, Daniel Blake, and get into my car and drive home to my family for lunch. We have food in our cupboards and don't have to worry about paying our mortgage and electricity etc but it could so easily be very different. I almost felt guilty about having enough, when so many people have so little. If anything I am more determined than ever to make a difference and do all that I can in whichever sphere I can to help others and to show some human compassion to everyone I speak to.
In fact, between Oct 3 - 23rd many of my colleagues and Christians Against Poverty (CAP) supporters will be doing #20for20 which is 20 days of highlighting the work of CAP and to raise funds for CAP which this year has been going for 20 years. Sadly, our work is still more desperately needed than ever. If you want to help in any way with any kind of financial gift no matter how small then please visit https://www.capuk.org/get-involved/donate?source=michelleswallow
(During the next 20 days I will be giving up watching TV or catch up as many of our clients can't afford electricity or TV licences and I will be donating the equivalent of the daily TV licence fee to CAP. As I didn't think this was enough I will also give up using my car for 20 days and try to walk everywhere if possible and donate the equivalent amount of money that I would have spent on fuel to CAP. Some of my colleagues will be living on only £1 per day.)
Finally, please go and see the film I, Daniel Blake and let it move you to action of some kind to make a difference for our fellow human beings.
Thursday 16 June 2016
Ogden Water
I've brought my youngest daughter, Rebecca, for a breath of fresh air, up to one of my favourite places - Ogden Water.
It has a very special place in my heart and I've been here often.
When James and I were dating we used to come here for pleasant walks and we had our wedding photos taken here too. When I was pregnant with our firstborn child, when I wasn't too ill (which was very rarely, as I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum), we tried to get up here for a walk.
Then after he was stillborn, I spent many hours up here in this spot pouring out my heart to God and feeling so alone and heartbroken.
Since then we've been often as a family and I still come alone or with one of the children.
It's a precious place of beauty and peace. The sound of the multitude of birds singing is like hearing the most incredible choir and I'm so grateful to the friends and families of those who have passed on from this life and donated benches for those of us who are still here to sit and pause for a while from the busyness of life.
It has a very special place in my heart and I've been here often.
When James and I were dating we used to come here for pleasant walks and we had our wedding photos taken here too. When I was pregnant with our firstborn child, when I wasn't too ill (which was very rarely, as I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum), we tried to get up here for a walk.
Then after he was stillborn, I spent many hours up here in this spot pouring out my heart to God and feeling so alone and heartbroken.
Since then we've been often as a family and I still come alone or with one of the children.
It's a precious place of beauty and peace. The sound of the multitude of birds singing is like hearing the most incredible choir and I'm so grateful to the friends and families of those who have passed on from this life and donated benches for those of us who are still here to sit and pause for a while from the busyness of life.
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