Five years ago today, on a Sunday afternoon, due to a combination of circumstances, I was in a delivery room with 2 midwives when Rebecca gently slipped into the world.
She didn't cry and she seemed rather floppy but she was alive!
The midwives told me that they'd need to get a paediatrician to just check her over and that was it. I was in the High Dependency unit because during this pregnancy I'd had gestational diabetes so I assumed it was due to this.
A few moments later my beautiful mother arrived and she was thrilled to meet her new baby granddaughter.
The midwives dressed Rebecca in the outfit I'd brought for her and passed her to me to feed but she was so floppy she wouldn't feed. They'd also given her a little hat as she wasn't keeping her temperature. The midwives then changed shift and my Mum had to go home so I was left alone with Rebecca. It was a beautiful moment of peace as I gazed at her and thanked God for her life.
Then a rather officious midwife came in and took Rebecca from me and put her in a plastic cot. The kind they used to have at the hospital.
I should mention as well that at this stage Rebecca was actually nameless as it was James turn to name our child but he was away so we just gave her an interim nickname until he knew what to call her.
The midwife took myself and Rebecca up to the ward and I was thinking oh finally I'll get a cup of tea and something to eat but no, the midwives just moved my bed into a 4 bed ward and put Rebecca's plastic cot next to me and that was it.
I remember that in the ward although the curtains were closed around each bay there were other women as they were chatting on their phones for what seemed like all night.
I must have been tired though because I fell asleep but was woken some time later by a midwife who said she needed to take Rebecca for some tests. I again assumed it was in connection with the gestational diabetes and drifted back off to sleep. I must have been more exhausted than I thought.
Around about 01:00 on the Monday morning I was awoken again, this time by a paediatrician who asked me if I thought Rebecca looked like my other children. I was really surprised by the question and didn't understand but I said that I wasn't sure as she was a newborn and to be honest newborns always look a bit kind of squished for the first few hours.
This paediatrician who never actually told me her name then proceeded to change my world forever with her next sentence. She said, we think she's got "mongoloid features" indicating down syndrome so we need to do some further blood tests.
She left me and I burst into tears. It was the most alone and frightening moment. I remember out loud, crying out to God asking for Him, actually begging Him to heal her and not let this be so. It hurt so much. The pain felt physical as well as emotional.
Then a rather nice midwife came back and said that if I wanted to she could move me into a private room on the ward so I could grieve privately. I was really grateful for this and she also contacted my bereavement midwife - Julie Key.
Julie has been at the birth of each of my first 3 babies and helped me in so many ways throughout my pregnancies following Joshua's stillbirth in 2006. I've never been able to fully thank her properly for her help and support but I truly thank God for her.
Anyway, the Consultant came up and discussed Rebecca's clinical diagnosis saying that while they have sent off for tests to confirm their diagnosis they were certain that my perfect, precious, living baby girl did have Down Syndrome. Again I cried and felt so lost and alone. This news totally rocked my world.
But this lovely man - Dr Anil Pillai - reminded me that she is precious because she is a part of me, a part of my soul. So true.
So Rebecca's entry into the world was pretty hard to deal with and the first few weeks in the hospital were challenging to say the least. I was able to talk to James on the phone and tell him what had happened. He responded with such solid faith that God would help us and then he named her Rebecca Abigail. Rebecca means 'captivating, knotted cord' and Abigail means 'her fathers joy'.
So life went on, interrupted by constant hospital visits, numerous fights for life, feeding problems, breathing problems, chest problems but thankfully no heart problems.
We've had to endure a lot and this all affected our beautiful middle daughter Sophie, who was only 20 months old herself when Rebecca was born.
But and this is a big BUT. I wouldn't have experienced God in the way I have if things had been different. I love each one of my children with a fierce and passionate love that's indescribable.
Things were tough to begin with but the absolute joy I have now is worth more than gold or diamonds.
Rebecca started school this week and has come on in leaps and bounds. I saw her just the other day helping another child to put on his coat at home time. She doesn't know she has a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. She is just a kid like any other. She has incredible abilities and overcomes her limitations. She's so funny and very empathic and considerate to others she sees who may be sad. She's learned and is continuing to learn so much but so have I.
I've learned that God is always in control and there is no need to fear. He's got me. God is good and He helps me to parent each one of our incredible 3 living children.
I am blessed.
So happy 5th birthday Rebecca, thank you for so much joy.
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