25th May 2016

Hmmm, so tomorrow is a difficult day.

I have so many blessings in my life and so much to be thankful for but tomorrow will be the 10th birthday of my little son Joshua James.

Sadly, he was stillborn, so 10 years ago I never got to hear him cry. I was able to cuddle him but never got to feel his tiny fingers curl around my finger.

I was able to bathe him but never got to see him wriggle and squirm or chuckle.

It amazes me that 10 years have gone by and I survived. My husband James has survived and together we have overcome the grief that at first appeared to be overwhelming. We have been blessed with 3 gorgeous daughters but...

I often wonder about what 10 year old Joshua would be like.

I have wondered about what he would be like every day of every one of the last 10 years.

I have wondered what colour eyes he would have had and whether his hair would have stayed so dark that it was almost black.

I have wondered about the sound of his voice, about what kind of person he is or would have been.

It still hurts that I missed out on being his mother and I wish the situation was different but throughout the last 10 years I have been blessed by an Awesome God who works ALL things for the good of those who love Him.

Tomorrow is not just about Joshua though. Tomorrow is also my stepfather's birthday and my Oma's birthday.

And tomorrow is also the day I have to go to a funeral of a friend and colleague and say goodbye to her.

I'd so much rather not go. I hate funerals and I hate death but it is right that I get the chance to honour her by saying a last farewell. I can't believe she's gone. It's only a couple of weeks since I last saw her as we celebrated the election results together.

My one regret is that she really wanted to go and have a Knickerbocker glory ice cream and I never went to have one with her.

As I say my goodbyes tomorrow I will be focussing on Lynne but Joshua will remain in my heart, tomorrow and always.

Lynne

Today I was devastated to hear of the death of my friend, my mentor, my colleague, Wibsey Councillor Lynne Smith.

She was there by my side when I won my first election in May 2012 (pictured below) and always looked out for me, encouraged me and showed me the ropes, so to speak. I worked with her on the Governance & Audit Committee and was amazed at her shrewd, analytical mind and her passion for ensuring that processes were both fit for purpose and adhered to. Woe betide anyone who didn’t follow correct procedure. She had a very sharp tongue and used it when warranted but only because her heart was in the right place.

We had a couple of run ins early on but we worked it through and when I thought she was out of order I told her so and again we worked it through. Our friendship was forged through these exchanges and our honesty with one another. We both put our names in the hat for the selection for a parliamentary seat and kept our friendship intact. She taught me how it is truly possible to have disagreements in politics and still be friends but that it was important to air those disagreements one to one and not to snipe and stab others in the back. If only others could be like her.

When I was first elected she saw that certain other people were attempting to take me under their wing and sadly they turned out not to be trusted. In fact they were downright toxic. They didn't have anyone's best interests at heart, other than their own. They would bitch about her and yet she maintained her dignity and kept her focus on what was important. To Lynne what was important, was serving others and not letting anyone else distract her from serving the community she was elected to represent. She poured her life out to serve others and to ensure fairness and equality for all. She cared deeply and was a true socialist.

Lynne, was a true friend and she understood the value of friendship and was passionate about encouraging people wanting to learn and develop themselves to be as effective as they possibly could be, to better serve the community and the whole District.

Last week, we had the first part of our Labour Group AGM and she came down to participate. The atmosphere of that meeting was particularly unpleasant and there was a significant lack of courtesy and respect and yet she didn’t fight back, she retained her dignity.

Our Group will be the worse without her and she will be a tough act to follow both as a ward Councillor and as the Chair of Governance & Audit. 

I will miss you Lynne on both a personal and a professional level. You were a dear friend. God bless you and may you rest in peace.