I, Daniel Blake

I've just got back from seeing a screening of I, Daniel Blake and to be honest it wrecked me. You see as a debt caseworker, I speak to far too many people who are at their wits end, having been ground down by the 'system'. 

If someone is too ill to work they are supposed to be helped by claiming Employment & Support Allowance (ESA) but if they are of working age and fit to work then they are supposed to receive help by claiming Job Seekers Allowance (JSA) until they are able to find a job. 

However, there is a shocking number of people that I speak to who fall in between and are considered by the Department for Work & Pensions (DWP) to be fit for work, so are turned down for ESA but they are not fit enough to work so aren't able to claim JSA. 

In the film, Daniel Blake is one of these people. He's suffered a major heart attack prior to the opening of the film and his doctors and consultants have advised him not to work until he has recovered. He is turned down for ESA because a decision maker has decided that he's not ill enough based on a certain set of questions and not on his actual circumstances or health reports from his doctor.

Daniel is a highly skilled carpenter but not computer literate so struggles to navigate the whole benefits system from start to finish as all applications have to be done online. Apparently the DWP is digital by default which means if you are not computer literate or don't have access to a computer you will fall foul of the 'system'.

Daniel meets a young single mother trying to get by but as she's from London and has been moved to the North East for housing, she doesn't know her way around and is a few minutes late for her signing on appointment. The benefits adviser is completely intransigent and appears to just follow rules and regulations rather than have an ounce of compassion or understanding in order to be able to exercise any discretion .

Sadly, none of what is described in the film is a surprise and therein lies my problem with it. The film is superb and I'm so glad that Ken Loach and his team have shone a light onto what is a reality for the films characters but sadly it's an all too common situation for many people across our country. Most films can be easily dismissed as just works of fiction but this is just too close to reality but of course that's something that marks out a Ken Loach film.

It utterly disgusts me that our country appears to have no sense of humanity, that there are people being ground down and utterly demoralised by the system, the lack of decent, affordable housing, the dismantling of communities and the lack of good, well paying jobs.  It disgusts me that there are people unable to afford to feed themselves or pay for basic necessities. 

It reminded me so much of my childhood being brought up by a single parent mother who struggled desperately to keep a roof over our heads and to feed and clothe us. She was lucky enough to be able to get a job and she worked full time for most of my childhood. The gaps in between work were relatively few and far between but it also meant that I had to look after myself for much of the time with a key on a string around my neck when I was very young and also a house where we had no floor coverings at all, just a concrete floor and only a square of blanket to sit on. Eventually, my mother was able to furnish that flat but it was tough at the beginning.

Thankfully, our lives are far better now and I was able to leave the cinema after watching I, Daniel Blake, and get into my car and drive home to my family for lunch. We have food in our cupboards and don't have to worry about paying our mortgage and electricity etc but it could so easily be very different. I almost felt guilty about having enough, when so many people have so little. If anything I am more determined than ever to make a difference and do all that I can in whichever sphere I can to help others and to show some human compassion to everyone I speak to.

In fact, between Oct 3 - 23rd many of my colleagues and Christians Against Poverty (CAP) supporters will be doing #20for20 which is 20 days of highlighting the work of CAP and to raise funds for CAP which this year has been going for 20 years. Sadly, our work is still more desperately needed than ever. If you want to help in any way with any kind of financial gift no matter how small then please visit https://www.capuk.org/get-involved/donate?source=michelleswallow

(During the next 20 days I will be giving up watching TV or catch up as many of our clients can't afford electricity or TV licences and I will be donating the equivalent of the daily TV licence fee to CAP. As I didn't think this was enough I will also give up using my car for 20 days and try to walk everywhere if possible and donate the equivalent amount of money that I would have spent on  fuel to CAP. Some of my colleagues will be living on only £1 per day.)

Finally, please go and see the film I, Daniel Blake and let it move you to action of some kind to make a difference for our fellow human beings.

Ogden Water

I've brought my youngest daughter, Rebecca, for a breath of fresh air, up to one of my favourite places - Ogden Water.

It has a very special place in my heart and I've been here often.

When James and I were dating we used to come here for pleasant walks and we had our wedding photos taken here too. When I was pregnant with our firstborn child, when I wasn't too ill (which was very rarely, as I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum), we tried to get up here for a walk.

Then after he was stillborn, I spent many hours up here in this spot pouring out my heart to God and feeling so alone and heartbroken.

Since then we've been often as a family and I still come alone or with one of the children.

It's a precious place of beauty and peace. The sound of the multitude of birds singing is like hearing the most incredible choir and I'm so grateful to the friends and families of those who have passed on from this life and donated benches for those of us who are still here to sit and pause for a while from the busyness of life.

25th May 2016

Hmmm, so tomorrow is a difficult day.

I have so many blessings in my life and so much to be thankful for but tomorrow will be the 10th birthday of my little son Joshua James.

Sadly, he was stillborn, so 10 years ago I never got to hear him cry. I was able to cuddle him but never got to feel his tiny fingers curl around my finger.

I was able to bathe him but never got to see him wriggle and squirm or chuckle.

It amazes me that 10 years have gone by and I survived. My husband James has survived and together we have overcome the grief that at first appeared to be overwhelming. We have been blessed with 3 gorgeous daughters but...

I often wonder about what 10 year old Joshua would be like.

I have wondered about what he would be like every day of every one of the last 10 years.

I have wondered what colour eyes he would have had and whether his hair would have stayed so dark that it was almost black.

I have wondered about the sound of his voice, about what kind of person he is or would have been.

It still hurts that I missed out on being his mother and I wish the situation was different but throughout the last 10 years I have been blessed by an Awesome God who works ALL things for the good of those who love Him.

Tomorrow is not just about Joshua though. Tomorrow is also my stepfather's birthday and my Oma's birthday.

And tomorrow is also the day I have to go to a funeral of a friend and colleague and say goodbye to her.

I'd so much rather not go. I hate funerals and I hate death but it is right that I get the chance to honour her by saying a last farewell. I can't believe she's gone. It's only a couple of weeks since I last saw her as we celebrated the election results together.

My one regret is that she really wanted to go and have a Knickerbocker glory ice cream and I never went to have one with her.

As I say my goodbyes tomorrow I will be focussing on Lynne but Joshua will remain in my heart, tomorrow and always.

Lynne

Today I was devastated to hear of the death of my friend, my mentor, my colleague, Wibsey Councillor Lynne Smith.

She was there by my side when I won my first election in May 2012 (pictured below) and always looked out for me, encouraged me and showed me the ropes, so to speak. I worked with her on the Governance & Audit Committee and was amazed at her shrewd, analytical mind and her passion for ensuring that processes were both fit for purpose and adhered to. Woe betide anyone who didn’t follow correct procedure. She had a very sharp tongue and used it when warranted but only because her heart was in the right place.

We had a couple of run ins early on but we worked it through and when I thought she was out of order I told her so and again we worked it through. Our friendship was forged through these exchanges and our honesty with one another. We both put our names in the hat for the selection for a parliamentary seat and kept our friendship intact. She taught me how it is truly possible to have disagreements in politics and still be friends but that it was important to air those disagreements one to one and not to snipe and stab others in the back. If only others could be like her.

When I was first elected she saw that certain other people were attempting to take me under their wing and sadly they turned out not to be trusted. In fact they were downright toxic. They didn't have anyone's best interests at heart, other than their own. They would bitch about her and yet she maintained her dignity and kept her focus on what was important. To Lynne what was important, was serving others and not letting anyone else distract her from serving the community she was elected to represent. She poured her life out to serve others and to ensure fairness and equality for all. She cared deeply and was a true socialist.

Lynne, was a true friend and she understood the value of friendship and was passionate about encouraging people wanting to learn and develop themselves to be as effective as they possibly could be, to better serve the community and the whole District.

Last week, we had the first part of our Labour Group AGM and she came down to participate. The atmosphere of that meeting was particularly unpleasant and there was a significant lack of courtesy and respect and yet she didn’t fight back, she retained her dignity.

Our Group will be the worse without her and she will be a tough act to follow both as a ward Councillor and as the Chair of Governance & Audit. 

I will miss you Lynne on both a personal and a professional level. You were a dear friend. God bless you and may you rest in peace.